Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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