You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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