she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
