I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
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If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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