who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
