did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I want to make a zoo with you.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
