How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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