If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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