She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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