i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
