I looked at my own cervix.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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