I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
