3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Randomize
