she woke up with a sticky ear
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
