She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
