i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
