It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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