brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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