I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
