drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
