I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
