I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
