So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I am one with the molecules
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
