I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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