rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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