fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
