I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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