he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
