halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
