This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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