Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
