you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
