no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You're like the curious george of whores
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
