My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
