i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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