Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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