....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
