His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
