just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
