Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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