I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will be naked everywhere
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize