thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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