you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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