You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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