Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize