before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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