Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
