Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Too much gin, very little bucket
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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