Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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