Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
