just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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