peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
