so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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