you guys were way drunker than both of me
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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