My friends, they love my intelligence
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
