you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
