Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize