I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
