WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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