3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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