Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
