i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
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