mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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