his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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