Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
