Im at strip club and am horny
Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
My vagina just recognized that song.
they're like a gay fantastic four
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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