Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
